Mercurio’s Worst Films of 2015
A little breakdown of why I chose each entry can be found below.
MY WORST OF 2015
1. Fifty Shades of Grey
2. Knock Knock
3. The Green Inferno
6. Hitman: Agent 47
8. Jupiter Ascending
9. Strange Magic
10: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Honorable Mention goes to Pitch Perfect 2 and Trainwreck, for being so bad in their first ten minutes I felt compelled to shut them off and have never gone back.
WORST OF BREAKDOWN
1. Fifty Shades of Grey: Being the most profitable soft-core porn ever made, it may be, but terrible writing based on a reportedly terribly written book easily secures it a top spot on this worst of list.
2. Knock Knock: A stupidly written, badly acted, waste of space. It’s hard to imagine what Keanu Reeves was thinking when he agreed to do this movie, but clearly he was having an off day.
3. The Green Inferno: Much like Eli Roth’s entry above, this is yet another badly written, badly acted piece of garbage… from Eli Roth. It has a slightly higher value, though, to a very select group of horror fans who might want to see some competent gore effects and a modern day cannibal movie. Even if not a good one, that isn’t saying much given the existing cannibal movies from the past are rather bad, themselves… this one at least has some modern production values.
4. Mortdecai: While a waste of everyone’s time, the charisma of the supporting cast manages to keep this from being a complete waste of space, but not by much. Johnny Depp brings on a remarkably similiar role to his character in Kevin Smith’s worst film, Tusk, a witless, bumbling idiot who tries desperately to be charming and amusing, trying to evoke that old Peter Sellers Pink Panther vibe, to bring back that older style of film… but just comes off as rather sad and awkward.
5. Tangerine: A found footage, but not film, trying to capture a ‘real feel’, by having general loglines of each scene and then letting the actors improv through it. While not badly done, per say, the characters are so Jerry Springer annoying that I was cheering when the end credits finally rolled.
6. Hitman – Agent 47: The first few minutes show a lot of promise, showing a cool sequence of the Hitman breaking into a place. Then the rest of the movie proceeds to throw that promise out the door with terrible everything else and some barely competent action bits.
7. Chappie: I really wanted this to be good. The fx are rock solid. The ideas that fuel the film, while recycled from films like Short Circuit, make for a good premise… and yet the film doesn’t really work. One of the main characters (from the music group Die Antwoord) is cringeworthy in every scene he has. And two different movies are battling for screentime. The result is such a mish mash.
8. Jupiter Ascending: I went in with low expectations, but apparently, not low enough. While it had a great set up in the background for the universe the story is set in, the story itself was badly done, sometimes reaching a point where it might have something interesting, but then quickly sinking back down into mush. You top that off with bad cinematography, a double rescue the princess sequence (a sequence with one brother, then right after that, a sequence with the other brother), and making Eddie Redmayne so damn unlikable and annoying after recently falling in love with him in Theory of Everything, and yeah, this movie belongs here.
9. Strange Magic: While the structure and all are fine, the choice of music is odd, and the outdated idea of a love potion in today’s society makes it feel more like a rape drug nowadays. The characters aren’t particularly engaging, either, and it all feels been there, done much better elsewhere. It is an strange bird, and one that manages to be even more meh than Pixar’s Good Dinosaur.
10: Paul Blart – Mall Cop 2: Not that the first Paul Blart was a good movie, but it was reasonably entertaining and had a kind of charm to it, so I gave the sequel a shot. And other than one sequence, which I thought was kind of brilliant (the hallway scene), the rest of it tries to copy the success of the first with less charm and some terrible attempts at humor.
Honorable Mentions – Pitch Perfect 2 and Trainwreck: These would most likely have placed high on this list, had I actually sat through them. Since I couldn’t, I didn’t feel right putting them in the list, but they certainly deserve a mention for those first god awful 10-15 minutes.
Do you agree with me? Disagree? Have questions? By all means, just be respectful! Please feel free to discuss it on the Facebook page or hit reply on here!